Author note: the following poem is a triptych, capturing three separate yet interconnected moments from my life.
1.
,
All have sinned
And fallen short
But I’m a special case.
I know I am
Destined for wrath—
I saw it on her face
.
When I was young
And she was old.
She took me for my life.
She taught me
The deep magic that
I’ll never quite be right.
.
I’ll never be
A mercy-vessel
Destined for the stars;
I’ll trip up, slip up,
burn up, hiccup,
Fuck up way too far.
.
I’ll always be
A shadow thing
For I am not my own.
There’s nothing left
Inside my body—
She even took the bones.
.
2.
..
All have sinned
And fallen short
And I shall be erased.
I know I am
Destined for hell—
I saw it on her face
.
When she was mad;
She took the phone
Completely off the wall.
She fed it to me
All at once while
She was on a call.
.
I swallowed it
And took the pain
Like Jesus took the cross.
Like good vessels
Meant for wrath,
I knew it pleasured God.
.
Not my will
But your will done
For my will is a child’s.
I want candy,
Birthday cake.
You just want me mild.
.
3.
.
All have sinned
And fallen short
But whiskey stays the same.
I know I am
Destined for death—
I saw it on her face
.
The day I knew
It wasn’t true
And she gave up on me.
The sunset made
Cotton candy
Clouds above the sea.
.
I cannot be
Not myself.
I am simply me.
And I am
A pinata:
Use me, break me, leave.
.
I am
A pinata.
You can have my candy.
I was born
And destined to
Empty myself gladly.